My introduction to the life of Senator McCain came in an unlikely way. For much of my childhood I was scared of a book on my parent’s shelf – They Wouldn’t Let us Die. It sat on the shelf for years staring at me. I wondered what stories were told in such a book. I was almost too afraid to let my imagination wonder on the subject for fear that I might never recover.

At some point in high school I became brave enough to sneak it off the shelf to learn it was the story of American Prisoners of War in Vietnam. I was mostly interested in the story of a close family friend who I had heard great stories about but never met – Bob Craner. As it turned out John McCain’s life was closely tied to Bob Craner as the were in neighboring cells.

The book made an impression on me – the extreme torture these men survived and the isolation they faced was unbelievable.

Nearly 20 years later our firm had the opportunity to work with Senator McCain on his presidential campaign. My partners were always the leads on the race but I was always proud to tell anyone who would listen that he was our client. We were along for the ride during the high points (when he was the presumptive nominee and then the campaign went south) and we were there when things went bad. I’ll never forget the intern driving Senator McCain that went the wrong way down a one-way street or the time a car wouldn’t start and both times the Senator walked humbly to his events.

And there was the time a radio station gave out our phone number urging callers to complain that Senator McCain wanted to give amnesty to illegal immigrants. It shut down our phone lines for two days.

After his loss in 2008, I watched with great disappointment as warring factions blamed each other but witnessed McCain’s grace and understanding as he humbly accepted defeat.

Later when we worked on his re-election campaign I remember seeing the negative ads against his opponent being generated non-stop, even when the election appeared in hand. This was a guy who knew how to win an election and wasn’t going to let it slip away.

As I’ve been reflecting on the last 24 hours since his death I can’t help but wonder. Who will take up Senator McCain’s call for spreading freedom in the world?

He lived an examined life – regretting that he did not denounce the Confederate flag in 2000 led to his strength in 2008 when setting the woman straight when she said Barack Obama was a Muslim.

Like the rest of us, he was a flawed but he lived a life dedicated to a higher purpose and I respect that more than anything.

We lost an American hero yesterday, but hopefully the stories of his life will inspire others to engage for causes greater than ourselves.

For the past week friends have been asking, “What’s your status?” I’m cancer free and no more chemotherapy. It’s actually taken me a little longer to write this post than I wanted. I think its mostly because I’ve been happy to get back to the normalcy of life — work, shuttling the girls to practices, chores around the house, etc.

Next week Shannon and I celebrate our birthdays together and I can say that it has been a great year. We beat cancer.

For the past six months I’ve felt the love of a community that has made meals for our family, helped with chores around the house, sat with me during chemo, sent me care packages, listened to my rants when I was down and most importantly just sent me daily words of encouragement.

The only way I can ever think to pay all of you back is to be a resource for others going through similar battles. I’ve said this a many times over the past six months, I played against the JV team and other people I know are facing much tougher fights against this disease. You all have taught me and if I can do anything to make their lives a little easier, I’ll do it. A meal, a phone call, a simple text message that says, “I love you.” You name it. I’m in.

What’s next? A big party? A trip?

For me, going back to every-day life and staying connected to all of you is my reward. I truly have a great life day-in and day-out. The girls have another six weeks of school and I’m looking forward to summer vacation — playing in Tahoe, Camp Sac, visiting family and friends. I’m up for any adventure. If you have something in mind, let me know.

I started back to work on a regular basis and it brings me great pleasure to see so many frolleagues (I made that word up by shipping friends and colleagues). I get tired in the afternoons, so I have to plan for a nap, it really is a habit I could get used to.

The doctor tells me it will take about as long as the chemo treatments (18 weeks) to feel normal again. I hit the gym again this week. While I did my best to walk and stay active during treatment I didn’t get my heart rate up and my body is pretty weak. I’m hoping to be in good enough shape to do my annual flume trail ride over the 4th of July.

Speaking of doctors and treatment. I was extremely fortunate to get incredible care at MD Anderson in Houston. I would encourage anybody with cancer, and is able, to consider pursuing their treatment at a research hospital — Stanford, UCSF, UCLA, MD Anderson, etc. Only 3% of Americans with cancer are on medical trials and that is how we improve treatment for future patients.

As I’ve mentioned a number of times, many trials are not risky “moonshots” but just small improvements and that is how breakthoughs happen. My analogy is that its like upgrading to the latest iPhone (for me that would be a huge jump). In my case they were testing the latest version of a protocol drug and adding another medication to the treatment that might prevent relapse. Why wouldn’t I do that?

How do I get in and what about cost?

Most of these cancer centers have a “become a patient” button on their home pages. There might not be a medical trial but they also provide “routine” care and if thats the case you are in a place with the best medical teams in the world. I think for most people diagnosed with cancer, if there is time, they should get a second opinion. We have a HealthNet PPO and going to MD Anderson was in network, so our healthcare bills will be the same as if I went anywhere else. We didn’t have to pay for anything that was in the “trial” phase — you’re doing them a favor.

For me, Spring has arrived; the fig tree has its leaves; and this is my fight song.

 

 

I was in Houston earlier this week for my sixth and final round of chemo. It’s hard to believe that it has been 5 months since I was diagnosed. Like many moments in life, the time has gone by both quickly and slowly. The clock seems to move at a snails pace when your laying in bed and not feeling well from the chemo. At other times I ask myself where the time went? We had Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, basketball season and three plays. I was fortunate to be able to attend most of these events and they really kept me energized during treatment as they reminded me of how blessed I am to have a wonderful family and terrific friends.

We’ll be heading back to Houston on April 24th for a PET scan to make sure the tumor is gone, but since we did a sneak peek 6 weeks ago we are extremely optomistic that the results will be positive. I’ll then need to travel to MD Anderson quarterly for the next two years to make sure there isn’t a relapse.

As it relates to “recovery” and “feeling normal again” from the chemo, I’m dealing with the normal side effects of the “cycle” for the next three weeks and then the doctor set expectations of equal to the amount of time I was receiving treatment. That means 4 1/2 months but I’m hoping that being younger and healthy I can speed that up (a lot).

They also removed the PIC line out of my arm before I left (ok, I threatened to take it out myself). One of the things I’ve been looking forward to the most is a hot shower without wrapping my arm and worrying about getting the line wet.

For my music interlude (in honor of my last chemo treatment) on this post I give you “One Last Time” from the musical Hamilton. George Washington has decided not to seek reelection and he asks Hamilton help him write his farewell address. When you hear it, you’ll also get another reference to the fig tree.

I was talking to Fiona the other night about leaving for Houston. She reminded me of the Disney song from Princess and the Frog – Almost There. It’s my cancer jam and ringtone for a few weeks. If your not familiar with it, take 2 minutes, you’ll love it.

There’s been trials and tribulations
You know I’ve had my share
But I’ve climbed a mountain
I’ve crossed a river
And I’m almost there

Today marks the halfway point of my treatment. We received the results from the PET scan and the tumor has completely responded to the chemotherapy and is no longer there.

I still have to finish 3 more rounds of chemo to ensure we get all the cancer that might not be visible in a PET and that there isn’t a relapse. I’ll gladly take the good news. It’s likely  that the cancer will be in full remission at the end of my treatment plan and I won’t need radiation either.

To celebrate, tonight I’m treating myself to another round of chemotherapy.

I consider myself extremely blessed to have great doctors, loving family and awesome friends to help me. I’m reminded daily of  family and friends who had/have larger battles than mine and I’m inspired by their fights against cancer.

It’s been a few weeks, I’m 1/3rd of the way done. And today I received my 3rd chemo treatment (out of 6).

I have a little better understanding of how my body reacts to the drugs. The old cliche is accurate, you really do have to take it day-by-day. In rough days:

Days 1-7 I’m shot from the chemo and don’t feel well. All the medicines have side effects and need managing with other medicines. It feels like your worst hangover (or at least that’s what I’m told).

Days 8-15 my body is coming down from the chemo and drugs so while I feel better, I’m tired. I slept a couple days away during this period in round 2. My white blood cells and platelets are super low during this period so I really need to be careful not to get sick – lots of hand washing and sanitizer. I try and stay out of public places but if I do head out I wear my mask.

Days 16-21 if you didn’t know I was bald because of cancer you might think I’m totally healthy. I feel pretty good in this range. I need to hold back a little and be careful not to do too much. Last week I changed eight light bulbs in the house. You laugh but it required going to 3 different stores and it literally took almost all day (in the old days they were all the same bulbs).

The fact I’m breathing normally through my nose is a good sign that the chemo is working. I’ll be getting a PET scan before I start round 4 to see what has happened to the tumors but the medical team feels positive. Because Lymphoma is a whole body cancer, there isn’t an off-ramp to stop treatment and even if the tumors are gone we are still moving ahead with 6 rounds of chemo. When you have the enemy down on the mat, you don’t let up.

The best news of all is that the Gonzaga Bulldogs have the #1 basketball team in the nation. I’ve enjoyed watching the games on TV and hoping that they play their first round in Sacramento. I get chemo earlier that week but hopeful I can rally for their Sunday game. It will require a ton of hand sanitizer and a surgical mask to watch but I would have to go.

I continue to be grateful for all the prayers and notes of support. They are all appreciated and help keep me motivated. As my sister tells me #StrongTribeStrongVibe. Thanks for all the love.

It’s been two months since being diagnosed with Lymphoma and Tuesday will start the 2nd round of chemo. I’ve been overwhelmed by all the expressions of support — prayers, meals, texts, emails, household chores, watching the girls and I could go on-and-on. Shannon and I are so blessed to be part of such a strong and beautiful community. Thank you to everyone. No matter how big or how small please know that your encouragement and help is much appreciated.

The first week after chemo was rough and as part of the medical trial I had to return to Houston for treatment in weeks 2 and 3. Going forward I’ll be going every three weeks for chemo. Because the chemotherapy treatment destroys the immune system, I’m highly susceptible to illness and I’ve reduced my voyages into public places. When I am out, I’ve started wearing a surgical mask and using gallons of hand sanitizer. This story highlights a couple studies showing a mask and hand washing can reduce your chances of getting the flu by 70%-80%.

In an effort to try and keep feeling good, I went to my scheduled haircut on Friday only to start seeing it fall out on Saturday. My guess is within the week I’ll be shaving down. My two business partners have been trying for 13 years to get me to shave my head so I will match them and they’ll soon get their wish. I guess that is a fair trade as they are covering for me while I’m out (I’ve been working when I’ve been up to it). I’ll put some photos up when I shave my head.

I’ve been trying to get out and walk every day it allows me to feel in control. It was hard the first week, but the doctor said its important to stay active and strong in order to avoid some cumulative impact in the late rounds.

Finally, if you have a few free minutes to watch this speech from Stuart Scott at the ESPY awards in 2014 I think you’ll find it inspirational. Especially the 3:05 mark where Scott says, “You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live.”

 

 

It’s been a pretty miserable few days. We did 13 hours of chemotherapy on Tuesday — which surprisingly wasn’t terrible. They put all kinds of poison in my body to kill this cancer. One of them looked like cherry cool-aid that the nurses referred to as the red dragon. Wednesday was a complete meltdown — exhaustion, nausea, headaches. I’ll be honest, these drugs mess with your body and your spirit. I was miserable but felt good to be at home with lots of love from family and notes from friends. The nausea continued into Thursday and I’m trying to figure out my diet to help control it.

I have a nightstand of medicine to take all with different instructions — take on full stomach, take at bedtime, take every eight hours, take every 24 hours, etc. Some are follow up treatment to the chemo and others are to help keep me more comfortable — nausea prevent strokes and I think one prevents gout. These all mess with my body as well.

I’m not sure how I’ll continue to react over the next 18 weeks. I’m trying to get back into a little bit of control physically and mentally — I went for a short walk this morning in the rain, figuring out what bland foods wont upset my stomach and going to try and rest up because…

…I have to go for another round of poison (I know I should call it treatment) on Tuesday. It’s suppose to be shorter. But after 13 hours, hard to imagine anything longer.

I’m the type of person who breaks things down into manageable segments. If I’m doing a 45 minute jog I say to myself 5 minutes into it, “you got this, your 1/9th of the way.” My problem today is that I’m not even 1/18th of the way so it feels a little overwhelming.

Not to worry, I found some inspiration this morning on the radio after taking Amelia to school. Shannon and I saw Adele this summer and she has the most amazing voice. I know its a break up song, but with a slight word change by me it became, “Soon This Cancer Will be Water Under the Bridge.”

Christmas will be extra special this year. I’m reminded what is important in life and I’m thankful for all of you.

Met with the doctor today. Lymphoma subtype is GCB (this was good news as it is the higher success rate). There is a second tumor in my neck, but because it’s on the same side and above the shoulders there wasn’t much concern.

We are leaning towards a medical trial that uses a couple newer versions of drugs that help with attachment to something called CD20 and could help prevent further relapse.

Doing this trial will extend the chemo to 18 weeks and we’ll need to be in Houston for a day or two 8-10 times.  This additional length hopefully eliminates my need for radiation but we wont know that for a while.

We’ll be back to Houston next week y’all.

It’s been a busy week on the diagnosis front but still no treatment plan in place. As I was getting ready for treatment last week I reflected on a number of stories you all have shared about misdiagnosis and I didn’t want to end up in that situation. While my heart was telling me, “start treatment as quickly as possible”, my head was telling me “get as much information as possible before acting.”

Shannon and I went to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston (MDA) to meet with Dr. Jason Westin, who chairs the Large Cell Lymphoma Department to get a second opinion on my diagnosis. MDA is an incredible facility with the best doctors, researchers and staff in the world when it comes to dealing with cancer. We were very blessed to have this opportunity.

As I looked around at so many of the sick patients I felt a little out of place and fortunate. I’ve said to a few of you, “I feel like I’m playing against the JV team compared to other friends we know.” But you still need to lace up your shoes and blow them out by 30 points.

I’ll do my best to summarize my understanding of where we are currently at. This is my layman’s understanding/explanation. We know it is Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma. The results of the PET scan are back and the cancer is stage 1 or 2 (there was a little flare up in my throat area but very minor) and my bone marrow is clean of cancer.

What we need to determine from the original biopsy of the tumor in my nasal pharynx is the subtype of Lymphoma we are dealing with. Here is a brief (but a bit technical) explanation of the three subtypes. Basically as I understand it, if its the GCB subtype it will require standard chemo and radiation therapy BUT if it is the ABC subtype there are some other options available to me (some in clinical trial phase) and starting chemotherapy would preclude me from those options. So we wait…

Even though it makes me anxious, as Aaron Burr sings in the musical Hamilton I’m willing to Wait for It. We will hold our fire for the pathology to come back before we start treatment. It is going to be at least a week and maybe more before we start but with this cancer its more important to aim before we shoot.

On a personal note, we had a great Thanksgiving with friends and family. I get tired in the afternoon and evening, so I usually rest or take a nap. I’m not sure how much of that is from the emotion; the cancer; or the post-election let down. Regardless, I’ve just been rolling with it. I try to use the mornings to get my “stuff” done — tracking down medical records, work, etc.

I’ve been reading The Boys in the Boat — Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. It is a great story about teamwork, overcoming adversity, the depression and pre-WWII Germany. It’s an inspiring story. I admire people who are dealt a bad hand and persevere to get ahead; I appreciate teamwork (I could watch Hoosiers a hundred times); I enjoy “coming of age” books; and I respect the adversity the greatest generation had to overcome. I know very little about crew, but it really doesn’t matter. If you liked Seabiscuit you’ll love this story.